The Mirror of Our Lost Love
“You can love someone so much…But you can never love people as much as you can miss them.”
― John Green
The Mirror of Our Lost Love suggests that we attract people, circumstances, and situations that embody what we have lost, abandoned, or given away. When an innocent soul sparks an intoxicating attraction, take a moment to reflect on the qualities you admire most in them. Then, strive to embody those qualities yourself. This is how positive reflections can serve as gentle reminders from a loving universe, offering insights through the Mirror of Our Lost Love.
The Shadow
“Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual’s conscious life, the blacker and denser it is. If an inferiority is conscious, one always has a chance to correct it… But if it is repressed and isolated from consciousness, it never gets corrected, and is liable to burst forth suddenly in a moment of unawareness. At all counts, it forms an unconscious snag, thwarting our most well-meant intentions.”
Carl Jung, C.W. Vol. 11: Psychology and Religion: West and East
According to the law of conservation, energy (mental and emotional activity in your mind) can neither be created nor destroyed rather, it can only be transformed or transferred from one form to another. When we apply this rationale to our everyday lives, we must ask ourselves, what happens to our inner most desires and dreams? The need for social acceptance from our parents, family, community, clubs, and friend groups often compels us to abandon experiences and life goals that we, for various reasons, have had to neglect.
The Mirror of Lost Love reveals our deep longings, dreams, and desires that we wish to express, yet many of these are considered forbidden or have been pushed into the shadows of our minds. The energy of these wishes and dreams hasn’t vanished; instead, it has been escorted to the periphery of our consciousness, residing in The Shadow. As the Kabyallion states, others’ echo what we whisper in secret. The Mirror of Lost Love serves as our portal to uncover and understand the most treasured parts of ourselves that we have neglected, abandoned, or surrendered in the pursuit of acceptance.
Being a native North Carolinian basketball is encrypted in our DNA and for as long as I can remember I have loved the game of basketball. I played almost everyday from the 80’s all up to the time I began to work long hours and integrate into the “real world”. Even to this day, when I hear a basketball bounce or I see kids on dirt courts in rural communities I smile instantly and reminisce. These type of experiences are associated with the mirror of lost love serving as a reminder to you that there are parts of you that are waiting to expressed and revealed but you have chosen the love of “others”.
Mid-twentieth century psychologist Carl Jung, studied the presence of the Shadow in our psychology and its impact on our mental and emotional well being. The Jungian Shadow represents the aspects of our personality that we deliberately hide from the public eye. We invest considerable energy in maintaining our public facade, yet as Jung pointed out, this largely concealed, neglected, and abandoned part of ourselves as a universal experience. As James Allen said, "Circumstances are the means by which the soul meets its own." Our caregivers and caretakers, in their effort to help us integrate into society, imposed expectations framed in terms of values, moral codes, and belief systems. In our quest for social acceptance, we cultivate a personality or character that reflects the attributes we believe will maintain our social standing.
Connecting the innuendo of the mirror of lost love with the psychological dynamics driving The Shadow provides us cover to investigate our hidden passions, dreams and fancies that we gave up. Our Shadows embody our inner darkness — the aspects of ourselves we conceal, the wounds we carry but never fully heal, and the desires we cannot satisfy. The mirror of lost love serves as a vivid reminder of unfulfilled aspirations, neglected dreams, scars that never fully heal and the forgiveness that we will not accept. My Grandma Inez was an epic cat lady and she used to always tell me “son the easiest way to keep a cat is to try and chase it away”. The mirror of lost love and our shadow function with the same level of consistency. The more one struggles against the nature of their Shadow and attempts to hide it, the more unstable their relationship becomes with that part of themselves they refuse to accept.
The Abandoned Self
“When I look in the mirror, I see a woman with secrets. When we don’t listen to our intuition, we abandon our souls. And we abandon our souls because we are afraid if we don’t, others will abandon us.”
Terry Tempest Williams, When Women Were Birds: Fifty-four Variations on Voice
The mirror of lost love is our gateway to discovering one of the most crucial aspects down the journey of the river of life, The Abandoned Self. The Abandoned Self represents the thoughts, feelings, needs, desires, and passions that we reject. As we stated in our discussion about the Shadow, we all have unique qualities, characteristics and interests that we have internally rejected out of fear, doubts and worries about how they would be received. The personality composite of all the mental and emotional activity related to your Shadow is known as The Abandoned Self. Everything stored in the mind must eventually surface, so even if we think we’ve concealed these inner truths behind a facade of good morals, proper etiquette, and esteemed values, those mental deposits remain — they simply lie dormant.
The ongoing pattern of rejecting The Abandoned Self triggers the Mirror of Lost Love, prompting reflections of what we refuse to acknowledge in our daily lives. This dynamic encourages us to confront those neglected aspects, allowing for a deeper understanding of our true selves and the desires we’ve pushed aside. By embracing these reflections, we can begin to heal and integrate the parts of ourselves that have long been hidden. For example, making a conscious decision to shift to a healthy lifestyle oriented on a daily fitness regiment and healthy diet is a great decision for the long term wellness of individual. This choice aligns with a practical decision for a mature and responsible adult. However your love for pizza, beer and chocolate cake didn’t leave the purview of your perception and desire. The love for those foods was rejected and replace with the love for a healthy lifestyle and long term wellness.
To maintain a healthy and productive mental landscape, our system requires balance. Just as our bodies need equilibrium, our souls seek harmony. It’s essential to evaluate the parts of our personality and life that we have abandoned. While we may perceive this as a betrayal of our familial responsibilities, workplace commitments, and dedication to our home, we must intentionally prioritize our self-interest and self-love for true fulfillment. The mirror of lost love remind us and reflects our deepest and most secret passions, dreams and hearts desire.
Accept the Authentic You
“You either walk inside your story and own it or you stand outside your story and hustle for your worthiness.”
Brene Brown
The mirror of lost love is a cosmic reminder to love all parts of you. Even the deepest, darkest and most withdrawn parts of you need to be acknowledged and integrated into your personality. The rejection of any parts of our inner truth is ultimately an act of self hate. The mirror of lost love is our portal to understand the deepest parts of us waiting for activation to provide us the mental harmony needed to balance us and live more joyous lives.
